Having been inspired by Kate Bradbury's Gardeners' World Blog on Growing giant sunflowers, and her tips on making nitrogen-rich nettle plant feed, tonight was the night that my bolstering brew came to fruition.
The recipe: Part fill one bucket with nettles, weigh down nettles with a stone and cover with water, simmer for 2 weeks. To serve: Dilute 1 part nettle to 10 parts water, and watch plants blossom and bloom.
So...following on from my post at the beginning of June where I blithely joke about nettle stings and cheap gardening gloves, today is the day I blithely joke no more. Nettle plant feed virgins take note - this stuff stinks. When instructions say mind the smell, take heed, linger on this word, fully appreciate the aromatic implication of its meaning.
How did I not know that this nauseating nettle mix would smell so shocking? Why was I not aware of the retching repulsiveness of this stinking stew? Why did I omit to Google search this loathsome liquid's obnoxious odour, and why was there not a warning that following a fetid feed an entire garden would hum like a stagnant pond?
I am labouring this putrid point somewhat, but it is simply to offer the naive gardener advice. Only with the wonders of hindsight do I now know to change out of office clothes before embarking on such a stomach-churning chore. It is only after half an hour of scrubbing floors (thankfully not carpeted) that I can advise to remove gardening shoes before walking around a house, leaving a faecal footprint trail.
However, as I type, with the enduring odour rising from my over scrubbed finger nails, I count my whiff-free blessings that at least I harvested the lettuce, radishes, spinach, mange tout and parsley, before coating everything in this obnoxious substance. I take stink-free solace that I enjoyed sitting in the early evening garden sun before the rotting aroma ruined the chance of ever leaving the house again, and I thank the stench-free stars that I didn't, as I might have done, water the entirety of my house plants with this loathsome liquid.
So, I may wake up tomorrow to a scene from the day of the triffids, or perhaps complaints from my neighbours that my garden smells like a cesspit - who knows? I just hope that this nitrogen fix will boost the vegetable plants. My seed grown tomatoes are distinctly stunted and lacking in flowers, my peppers look like they'll never fuel a stir-fry, and I can't imagine my tiny little aubergine plants ever producing a polished purple fruit.
Maybe the garden stench will scare next door's cat away, or perhaps attract even more to the garden? Maybe I should have used cumfrey instead - would it have smelt as bad? What ever the answers are - nettle novices out there beware. Wear gloves, wear a toxic suit, peg your nose, and have home-grown lavender at the ready to alleviate your assaulted senses - one thing's for sure, this home-made stuff stinks.
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